It had been in mind for weeks. You see all that which is real, which is cruel, which is unpleasant which makes you lonely, tired, suppressed and mute. Your trust in words is lost. You learn what is deception. You learn no one cares for anyone unless there is fear. Fear makes you love ! Paradox ! The most beautiful emotion of life comes out of fear. And those who don't scare anyone are mostly dumped, discarded, taken for granted and forgotten ultimately. You see, bear and live these harsh realities. You want to shout but realise there is no one to listen your shouts. You want to complain but check that no one who is your own to whom you can complain too. You go into deep disbelief. Those who looked yours are no where. Its so easy to leave. You want to write but only to the walls.
Even after all these harsh realities you understand that our faith in goodness is not diminished. you still wait for goodness. For all these years of life you don't loose trust in goodness though you are deceived again and again, you still trust in inherent goodness. Life teaches you that I am not my own mistakes. I can't pretend this anymore. The illusion of comfort in denial or sacrifice is no longer mine. There is no shame in my suffering because I had it for others. There is no healing in silent self torment. It is here at the surreal crossroads of the soul searching where dawning truth meets the anguish of overwhelming resistance in mind over matter that I can finally wake up and change my mind, let go of what no longer works or own my losses or choices. I am empowered by intense acknowledgement or epiphany and my virtue is gratitude or relief in recognition.
No comments:
Post a Comment